danalyn wrote:I need to ask a question. When bad things happen to people is it because Yahweh is punishing them? I ask because over the last month or two it seems as if there is a black cloud over my head. Everytime I turn around something is happening and it's never intentional but it still happens. I need ya'lls advice on what I should do especially since I am new to this and learning. I pray and I read but if it's something I've done I want to ask for forgiveness. I don't want to give up or be given up on because of all the bad things going on.
I posted this once in another thread;
I came under heavy attack when I first repented back in 1996. Mind you, I wouldn't discover CI for another decade or so. Nonetheless my initial repentance was a turning away from the world as I understood it at that time. Not too long after I became homeless and for a period of about 18 months I lived in my van. I had been in a race-mixed relationship and made a bastard with this woman. I couldn't figure out why God would take "my son" away from me in the custody battle. I believed that God was ignoring me and wondered if He really even cared. At the very least He surely made a mistake I thought.
In my despair I started laying plans to take the child and flee the country. While planning our exit I learned about something called "The Hague Convention on International Child Abduction" and I instead decided to leave the US without the child. I figured once I settled and acclimated abroad I would return to get him. During those initial months living in a foreign country my mind was a mess. We're talking the Czech Republic where even all their good beer didn't help. Ultimately I made a choice: I told God that even though this makes no sense to me I am going to blindly trust Him on this. I told Him that I believed that one day He would give me a satisfactory answer to my question: why? I assumed that answer would come after I died and went to heaven.
The Czech Republic is a racially homogeneous White country. Seeing first hand how such a place functions was part of Yahweh's plan for me. It is now crystal clear to me that Yahweh had to destroy my relationship with that bastard child in order to take me to the next level which is Christian Identity. The worst thing that could have happened would have been if Yahweh gave me what I wanted which was custody. I sincerely believe that I have been blessed with the ability to see this message because of my obedience and commitment at a time when I couldn't see anything. This lesson learned is a profound source of strength today as I face other trials.